Lugging around a tormented state of mind became more than I could bear, so I attended a Friday Night Healing Service at St. Benedicts, which I will never forget! Normally, I loved this service because of the beautiful Spirit being present. But this night, despair wrapped me in its arms and wouldn’t let go. I went forward for prayer.

The woman assigned to pray for me was the same one who asked God to let me sing like a worshipping angel. She smiled and took my hands. Too tormented to smile back I said, “Ask the Lord to please forgive me for being such an awful person.” She began to pray, but stuttered to a stop.

Filled with an insatiable love for the Lord and gratitude for the friendship of the Holy Spirit, I began praying for two hours every day: a new home, a new life, a new intensity of prayer, surely all things would be made new. Even though I had given up alcohol, knowing it alienated me from the Lord because it grieved Him, John continued to drink. Yet he appeared to be making strides. When it came to the church or things of God, John seemed to be in the flow. One day, a friend sent me a certain minister’s cassette tape. I said, “John, you’ve got to hear this! I want to order every tape this Kenneth Copeland has made.”

John said, “Go ahead. Order them.” I thought a couple dozen tapes might arrive, but a truck backed up to our driveway in the cul-de-sac and the driver had to use a dolly to deliver them into the foyer. I listened to them, over 900 of them (!), over and over. So did John!

Looking through the paper one day, I noticed an ad for a special mass being held at a certain church, and my spirit drew me to attend this service. Simply entering the sanctuary boggled my mind. Hundreds of people harmonized in multiple octaves, singing while holding their hands in the air, worshipping the Lord! I practically stopped breathing in my awe and wonder at the sounds I heard and the ecstasy I witnessed.

John whispered, “I don’t know what they’ve got, but I want it.” He led me down the aisle to sit in the second row, most unusual for a confirmed back row man. As John and I left the mass, I picked up a notice advertising a weekend retreat revolving around a Renewal of the Holy Spirit taking place at a church in Oakland. My heart palpitated wildly. Was this the Lord speaking to me?