Wanting my husband to help shoulder these problems, I told him about the measles shot and its ramifications. He reacted by saying, “Let it drop. These things don’t really hurt anybody.”
I thought, “It hurt you enough to drive you into homosexuality. What will it do to my daughter?” But I didn’t say anything for fear of an eruption. His perversion had become forbidden territory to investigate.
As time passed my daughter’s rage and my confusion ruled our relationship. What could I do to clean up this mess? I went to my prayer group for help, asking them to pray for my daughter without divulging the exact nature of the problem; my friends were also learning about spiritual things like I was. One by one they came to me and said we needed to pray for her in her room.
During our second year in Bible School, we enrolled our daughter in a private Christian school. The popular, teased-hair crowd at the public school had shunned her long parted-in-the-middle California hairstyle, and that left the disenfranchised who grabbed her. Jo’s loneliness worried me. I wanted to get her out of that venue before she encountered the drug scene, or entered the sex rat race, so mid-year I tried to move her to the private school. Jo didn’t want to suffer another initiation and appealed to her father for help.
“Marty, Jo doesn’t want to change schools now. Wait till fall.
“Look. We should have put her in the Christian school from the beginning, but we didn’t. I believe when you see you’ve made a mistake, you should alter it immediately.”
“No. We’re leaving her in public school.”
We were late in applying for school, and no housing could be found. Our eight suitcases and nine carry-ons were stuffed in the Citroen we bought on our arrival, and our humor ebbed every time we wedged ourselves into it. Someplace to unpack became imperative. But it wasn’t to be. We ended up moving eight times in three months as we lived in “gites” (summer rentals created out of carriage houses or threshing barns, or other unused buildings) and moved according to availability. One of them dated back to Joan of Arc, or so the mounted plaques said.
The city of Tours contained a fifteenth century town square filled with tables, smoking Frenchmen and foreigners enrolled in language school for which the town bristles with pride, boasting to have the purest accent in France. We spent many pleasant hours studying and drinking coffee while sitting at the obligatory white tables scattered in the square. In those three months, our nervous little family calmed down, united, and learned some French. We returned to Montauban ready to work.
We returned from that summer brimming with purpose and goals. Nancy and I found a map of France small enough for our hands to cover perfectly over the nation. We prayed every day with our hands on France. It seemed a light hovered over the city of Tours, and we figured John and I would one day settle there. In the meantime, we focused on France and all it would take for us to move there. We sold our house, we broadcast our intentions to astonished family and friends, and prepared to move after finishing Bible school.
At the end of our first year attending Rhema, the school required that we choose a major for the second year. Our friends had been telling John he should be a pastor, so I decided to start calling him “Pastor,” as in “Pastor, dinner’s ready.” Or “Pastor, don’t forget to walk the dog.”
One day, he met me after class just beaming, “I guess I really do have a call. The teacher in my last class said that we are whatever we are called at home. You call me “Pastor,” so I must be a pastor.”
At the end of July, following family camp, the kids and I left for Oklahoma to find housing and to buy Jo a horse, a manipulating bribe to get her to move. We traveled in a crew-cab truck pulling a fifth-wheel trailer that we bought to facilitate our journey and for projected weekends exploring cowboy territory. I felt like a cowgirl bounding down the highway, bouncing about in my stallion cab. Upon arriving, the three of us bumped down a dusty dirt trail to meet a tall horse-trading Oklahoman. He hailed us, leaning on his split rail fence, a sprig of wheat stuck in his teeth. As the dust settled from our entrance, we climbed out of the cab, and he drawled, “Howdy!” Our first Oklahoma hello.
He touched his hat in greeting, but when we, according to California custom, offered our hands to shake, he obliged with a leathered paw. He said, “So this little lady wants to get herself a horse.”
The day of the funeral, John did not close the restaurants, saying Bob would roll in his coffin if he did. I think the nieces and nephews were offended, but I had no say in the restaurants. However, only a skeleton crew stayed on the job. Most employees came to the funeral.
The relatives met at Bob’s house before proceeding to the cemetery. The sister-in-law and his children adamantly refused to have a church service in order to honor Bob’s non-belief. Crowded with family there was no room for me in the limousine, but my daughter, gifted with mercy, sat next to Bob’s wife, holding her hand, caressing her arm. John sat in the front with the driver, and I took the family car.
We had a fabulous birthday party for Ida in a restaurant overlooking the San Francisco Bay. Bob put on his “master of ceremonies” façade and became the life of the party. Ida delighted in his performance and fawned over him, letting his spotlight cascade down on her. At a given moment in the party a boat slowly passed by the window trailing a huge banner saying “Happy 80th Birthday Ida,” and I think her entire eighty years were packaged in that moment, with that banner being the peak of her life. Such a high is destined to bring about an equivalent low.
One morning during my prayer time, I heard the Lord say, “Go to Rhema,” so I wrote that in my journal. Knowing the word Rhema meant “the Word of God,” I figured He wanted me to read the Bible more, so I beefed up my reading schedule. About a month later, a friend said, “You guys ought to go to Rhema.”
I asked what “Rhema” was, and she told me it was a Bible School in Oklahoma. It seemed like an enormous step to take, but I did write for information. John hated the restaurant business and would have gone to Alaska to work on the pipeline if it would have gotten him out of administration and serving food. However, selling the restaurants, the house, and moving to Oklahoma made him think twice. Giving up my involvement in my church work made me think twice. We asked the Lord for a confirmation.
Somewhere in those formative years, God gave me a big vision. At St. Benedicts, during worship, my hands lifted, tears streaming down my cheeks, I heard myself say, “Okay, I’ll go to Grass Valley.” Then I came to my senses and said to Him, “You’ll have to tell me where that is, first.”
The following evening, I attended Concord Christian Center, and while worshipping, another vision descended. I saw a large building formed in the shape of a striking cross. The head of the cross housed an auditorium with 1,500 seats. I saw a succession of Christian stage plays, concerts, and crusades. A cafeteria occupied the leg of the cross, situated in an arm was a bookstore with a coffee shop, which also served as the foyer to the building. The other arm, carved out of a hill of soft rock, contained television studios.
I got to prove the Lord’s instruction one evening not long after that late night movie. I cook out of Gourmet Cookbooks, and I never cook the same thing twice. John didn’t like that; although he never said so directly. He just made comments like, “Did you pull this out of the sewer?” or “What kind of road kill are we eating tonight?” He got the kids laughing this way, and they would try to top his sarcasm. They were hilarious, those three, except that I enjoyed cooking, and I went to great lengths to cook a good meal, and so I was wounded by their antics. More than once I shed tears over their behavior. Often John went into the bathroom and spit his food into the toilet. The kids wanted to do the same, but I wouldn’t let them.
One night, maybe I wasn’t giving him the reaction he wanted, John went to the extreme of gagging and emptying his mouth back into his plate. I was standing by the kitchen sink, and I remember looking at him and thinking, “In comparison to God’s love for me, this is nothing.” In fact, for the first time, I wanted to laugh.